**Update – this article was first written in 2015. Things have changed a lot since then in our society. However, the sexiest type of dynamics between men and women will always be polarized. It’s the way life is.**
Out of the corner of your eye you catch a woman swinging her hair back over her shoulder. You turn to look. You can’t help yourself.
Men are made to look at attractive women you tell yourself. You begin to imagine her running her fingers through your hair… unbuttoning your shirt… undoing your belt… etc.
Then stop and think, My girlfriend/wife used to come up behind me and give me a neck rub “just because.” I loved it. It gave me chills down my spine. Now, I don’t remember the last time she gave me a hug let alone a blow job.
By the same token, she’ll look up at you one day and think, He used to pick me up and swing me around when he hadn’t seen me all day. I love his hugs, but I don’t remember the last time he rolled over in bed and wrapped his arms around me. What happened?
Many (if not all) long term relationships get into a sexual rut at some point.
The good news is it can be fixed. You just need to give a little attention and respect to the differences between the two of you. In other words, appreciate and emphasize the polarity between your genders.
Life seeks balance. Life has duality built into it. Night and day. Hot and cold. Soft and hard. Wet and dry. All creatures great and small have two genders. It’s the pull toward the opposite that brings us to the center.
To heat up your sex life again you’ve got to honor the differences in the masculine or feminine energies within your partner. This is also known as polarity.
You can love your partner as a friend but there’s not a lot of passion that goes along with a friendship. Long term relationships and marriages which become platonic develop a stale or non-existent sex life.
To prevent this passionless state you need to keep the coals of the masculine/feminine polarity stoked.
Now…. how do we accomplish this?
First, it’s critical to understand that the stronger and more assertive a woman is in the outside world, the more she needs a man who can take charge in her personal life and in the bedroom.
Men… we need you to lead us ladies to ecstasy and peace. Women need and crave a man who knows how to take charge. If you’re dating or married to a strong woman you’ll need to be extra strong.
And… if you want to keep her around, you gotta bring your A game. If you don’t, she’ll lose respect for you.
You’ve got to provide the masculine leadership she needs in your relationship. Otherwise, she’ll feel like she’s on her own. If you don’t “claim” her she’ll feel like she’s on her own anyway.
Why would she bother continuing the relationship if she feels single?
Let’s take a look at romance novels. They’re formulaic in their approach for good reason. Every plot is based on depicting a man who can’t resist a woman.
He is filled with desire for her. He must have her. He’s willing (and able) to go to the ends of the Earth to find her. Is this formula corny? Is it silly and unrealistic? Maybe. The point is… it works.
Romance novels are still as popular today as they’ve ever been. Why? I believe it’s because women want their men to make them feel the way the hero in the novel makes them feel.
She wants you to be her hero. Is that a terrible cliché? Maybe. So what?
Gentlemen, if you have a good woman she won’t expect you to be perfect. What she will expect is for you to do your best… everyday.
So be her hero. Do the small things that keep her happy. This shouldn’t be too hard. It’s about making her feel desired. Special. Claimed.
Yes, that’s right.. the strong, modern, independent woman wants to know she’s in a relationship with you and… still be able to breath.
This isn’t a tall order if you know your lady and you keep your actions toward her consistent and specific to her needs.
Even strong women fantasize about yielding and surrendering to her man’s strength and leadership. As long as she respects him and feels safe with him… she’s more than willing to soften.
Besides, a good man wants their lovers to be pleased. They want their women to have amazing orgasms with them.
When a man knows where he wants to take his lady, he’s in charge. He’s leading. It’s this strength and leadership from a man that makes even the strongest women feel adored and simply irresistible.
This is emphasizing the polarity between your genders. This is the foundation for greater affection and great sex.
Let’s end this with a physical move you can do with her that will put you in the position of leader and her in the position to want to soften to you. This move should be done with the intention of greater emotional intimacy and not a segue into sexual intercourse.
Here it is:
Press up against her. Hold her tight. Let her relax and melt into you. You are her rock. She’s safe in your arms. You are hard. She is soft. That’s the duality of life balancing itself.
If you’re close to the bed or couch you can slowly place her on her back. Lay on top of her, face to face, taking care not to make her uncomfortable with your weight on her.
Just feel her underneath you. Feel her physically and energetically. Feel how she effects you. Allow her to affect you deeply. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
There are many ways you can provide this physical strength, structure and support to her. Meet your woman in these ways and she will soften and surrender to her bliss with you.
Your friendship will never be the same. 😉
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