Why Men Stay – Could It Be The Guilt Factor? {VIDEO}

Today we’re talking about the guilt factor and how it gets men to stay and how women use it to get men to stay. I’m Dyann Bridges, and this is another segment of The Body House Chronicles.

Guilt is a powerful tool, and in my experience often times women use it with men to keep them in a relationship, and men go along with it, it’s a somewhat pathological way of feeling bonded.

I think it starts with our parents, our parents make us feel guilty about all sorts of things.

In return, we as children behave the way they want us to and we get their approval, then guilt isn’t always bad.

There is such a thing as healthy guilt when you know you’ve done something wrong and perhaps on something that violated somebody else’s boundaries.

It’s good to have that as a barometer and helps societies flourish.

The trouble is when guilt becomes confused with respect, that’s where it all goes wrong. When someone can make you feel guilty for something, oftentimes we interpret it as a respect for that person, but really it’s just a manipulation, why?

Because the person who is making the other one feel guilty has stepped over a boundary instead of mature trying to find a compromise and perhaps drawing a bit of a line in the sand of what’s okay with them or not.

They’ve placed blame on the other person and insinuated or blatantly suggested that the other person created some type of injury to them. So they’re making themselves into a victim and the other person into some type of abuser, for example.

They didn’t say, Well, I would really appreciate it if you give me a call when you’re gonna be late, instead, they’ll say something like, Oh, you jerk, you never call, you’re late again, you’re goofing off, and I’ve been here waiting for you, I had dinner ready for you or whatever.

Unfortunately, sometimes people confuse a guilt trip with respect.

I do believe this starts in childhood with parents, oftentimes when parents make their kids feel guilty to try and keep them in line, kids interpret that as demanding respect or commanding respect. When they feel obligated to their parents to alter their behavior, they’re showing them a sign of respect.

So when we become adults and we get involved with romantic partners, that gets transferred, this gets in deep in a subconscious level and can go on for years.

And in this particular case that I’m talking about, where women will play on a man’s guilt and he feels guilty and then ends up perhaps reluctantly or sheepishly doing what she’s asking him to do.

This without ever stating his side or his needs or putting down a boundary where he needs it and finding a compromise. He just succumbs to feeling guilty and life goes on until the next chastising from her and he gave in to the guilt trip again. Until they can both get to a point where they can state their needs clearly from their point of view.

It makes a person very vulnerable to do that…

When you don’t blame the other person and you take responsibility for what you need and don’t need in an intimate relationship, you put yourself at risk. That’s why it’s really important to meet the other person with a level of maturity and calmness. So that they can say, Oh, okay, now I understand what you need, but I really wanna go and do this, or I really love doing that.

Can we compromise?

But this is often played out on a subconscious level. Which is why it’s so important to stay present, sit with your discomfort, keep a part of yourself watching your thoughts without disassociation.

This is important, you must be aware of your own thoughts and your own feelings, allow that to happen and ripple through your body, while at the same time maintaining a measure of control and your behavior. And with what you say, it’s a lot to ask. But that’s adult in this.

It means to be an adult, and we’re not gonna do it perfectly, but we’ve gotta give it a shot, so guilt does not mean respect when two adults are in a romantic relationship, it demands a certain level of intimacy and vulnerability.

Which means you’ve got to own and be responsible for your own needs, your own emotions, your own thoughts and your own behavior.

You can’t just dump on the other person. You can’t just manipulate and push the guilt buttons over and over again, to try and get what you want.

I mean, I guess you can, but you’ll both suffer. You’re creating tension, you’re creating problems, it can only end in something bad until we can mature and grow up, 

Thanks for listening/reading and have a very sensual day. Dyann Bridges.