In this post, I’ve taken an excerpt from ‘The Way of The Superior Man” by David Deida written in 1997. We’ll delve into why it’s important to stop hoping for some type of completion in your life. Life is continuous. We cause ourselves suffering when we expect it to be otherwise.
Most men make the error of thinking that one day “it” will all be done.
For example, they’ll say things like;
“If I can work enough, then one day I can rest.”
“One day my girlfriend/wife will understand my situation better and then she will stop complaining.”
“I’m only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want to do with my life.”
This way of things has fundamental flaws in it Deida argues and he is right. “It’s over when it’s over.”
Deida says in his book;
“The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won’t. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift.
It’s never going to be over, so stop waiting for the good stuff.
As of now, spend a minimum of one hour a day doing whatever you are waiting to do until your finances are more secure, or until the children have grown and left home, or until you have finished your obligations and you feel free to do what you really want to do.
Don’t wait any longer. Don’t believe in the myth of “one day when everything will be different.” Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you’ve been born to do, now.
Spend at least one hour a day doing whatever you simply love to do—what you deeply feel you need to do, in your heart—in spite of the daily duties that seem to constrain you.
However, be forewarned: you may discover that you don’t or can’t, do it. That in fact, your fantasy of your future life is simply a fantasy.
Most postponements are excuses for a lack of creative discipline.”
What Deida is saying here is profound. Many times the reality of what we think we really want to do is actually NOTHING like it actually is.
I can say this with absolute conviction because I’ve tried many different type of jobs, entrepreneurial endeavors and creative projects. Sometimes it goes like we think it might. The rest of the time there are all types of unpleasant surprises.
Not the least of which is our sudden lack of desire and motivation to continue it. That’s where his assessment – most postponements are excuses for a lack of creative discipline – makes perfect sense.
And Deida’s coaching tips keep getting better. Get a load of this;
“Limited money and family obligations have never stopped a man who really wanted to do something.
Although they provide excuses for a man who is not really up to the creative challenge in the first place.
Find out today whether you are willing to do what it takes to give your gift fully.
As a first step, spend at least an hour today giving your fullest gift, whatever that is for today, so that when you go to sleep at night you know you couldn’t have lived your day with more courage, creativity, and giving. “
Wow. That was something. So many men don’t believe they have much to give. We have thoroughly convinced men they are nothing more than walking credit cards and sex toys.
Nothing could be further from the truth. A man’s strength, stability and structure allows a woman to thrive.
You might want to read that coaching tip again. 🙂
It’s true. Women are wild and chaotic. Our energy is very emotional, intuitive and rather feral. To live in the world that men built we need the rational, logical structure and stability from a man to help us adjust and find our way.
When a man provides his strength, stability and structure with compassion to a woman it really is the highest gift he can offer. It’s important you know this about yourselves gentlemen.
I’ve been talking about this for many years. I’ve got some of my best Old School coaching tips in an ebook I wrote and created a course to address theses issues too.
I can’t tell you how to be a man because I’m not one.
However, I can give you the inside scoop on what she really wants and needs from you and why.
If you’re interested in honing your gifts as a man and want a woman in your corner to give you a few coaching tips then check out my ebook and course…
This is what Deida says about expecting you lady to change;
“In addition to the myth that one day your life will be fundamentally different, you may believe and hope, that one day your woman will be fundamentally different.
Don’t wait. Assume she’s going to be however she is, forever. If your woman’s behavior or mood is truly intolerable to you, you should leave her, and don’t look back (since you cannot change her).
*I would say the only time to leave is when it has become glaringly obvious she is miserable in general and is unwilling to do anything to change that.
However, there needs to be effort on your part to determine that is the case. Sometimes I think people (men and women) abruptly leave relationships over struggles that can be solved with some knowledge and discipline and maturity.*
However, if you find her behavior or mood is merely distasteful or a hassle, realize that she will always seem this way: The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine.
*This is true! I woman will yield to masculine dominance if he is strong and considerate enough, but we will also always be a surprise to you!*
The next time you notice yourself trying to fix your woman so that she will no longer (fill in the blank), relax and give her love by touching her and telling her that you love her when she is this way (whatever you filled in the blank with). *It’s kind of like that line – Your beautiful when you’re angry. In other words, Deida is saying don’t care what she thinks. Just take charge! Take action! Show her you will not be rocked by her emotions. THEN she’ll be able to relax and calm down.*
Embrace her, or wrestle with her, or scream and yell for the heck of it, but make no effort to bring an end to that which pisses you off. Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you.
You can’t escape the tussle with the feminine.
Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much. The love that you magnify may realign her behavior, but your effort to fix her and your frustration never will.
The world and your woman will always present you with unforeseen challenges.
You are either living fully, giving your gift in the midst of those challenges, even today, or you are waiting for an imaginary future which will never come.”
Finally David Deida has this to say —
“Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose.”
That sums it up gentlemen.
Don’t wait. Do it now. Move and take action on your clarity of purpose right now.
THANK YOU FOR READING. I hope this coaching tip has given you some clarity.
HAVE A SENSUAL DAY.
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